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Foxpaw's Guide to Being Reasonably Insane
All songs used in this fanfic I don't own. 1. During a Gathering, after a Clan leader reports their news, Run out screaming "Andre! Andre! I've got the secret information!" Onestar: In Windclan, we have appointed one new warrior, Rabbittail. Cats: Yay! Onestar: That is all Windclan has to report. Foxpaw: Andre! Andre! Get the coptor ready I got the secret information! *runs away* Firestar: What did Squirrelflight do wrong?!? 2. While sharing tongues, have arguments with yourself Foxpaw: *Shares tongues with Toadpaw* Why do I share tongues with this loser? Foxpaw: Toadpaw is nice! Foxpaw: You would think so you overweight pansy! Foxpaw: Oh no you di'int Foxpaw: Oh yes I di'id Foxpaw: Take this Dogbreath! *Bites leg* Foxpaw: Oww! Take this! *Scratches face* 3. Find new and creative excuses not to clean out the elder's bedding. Squirrelflight: Go clean out Longtail's bedding Foxpaw: I can't Squirrelflight: Why not? Foxpaw: It interferes with my religious beliefs Squirrelflight: Then go check Mousefur for ticks Foxpaw: Nope, I have a disorder in which I spazz out at anytime. Squirrelflight: o_0 4. Run into the Leader's den and explain that you have to leave the forest. Firestar: *loving himself* la di dah di dah *Foxpaw runs in* Foxpaw: They've found me! I have to leave the forest! Firestar: Bye Foxpaw:... 5. At a clan meeting, bring things to throw at your leader Firestar: I have called this meeting to- *gets hit by tree trunk* Foxpaw: hehehe Firestar: *Glares at Foxpaw* Foxpaw: It was Daisy! Firestar: Yaaaaahhhh!! *kills Daisy* Foxpaw: hehehe! 6. Find fun ways to use your dirt. Foxpaw: *holding a ball of dung* Go Pikachu! Icepaw: *hit with dung* What the!?! Foxpaw: Yes! Icepaw: Why did you through your dirt at me. Foxpaw: (whisper) Gotta catch'em all Gotta catch'em all Icepaw: What? Foxpaw: (louder) Gotta catch'em all Gotta catch'em all! (louder) Gotta catch'em all Gotta catch'em all! 7. At night, get up and move to a different nest every 5 min Foxpaw: *Yawns* time to move Berrynose: *Foxpaw sits on him* Ow! What the crap! Fowpaw: What's your deal? Berrynose: Um it's my nest! What are you even doing in the warriors den? Foxpaw: *clearly offended* Uhh, It is my right as a citizen of these United States that I am free to sleep where I please. Berrynose: We live in Europe! Foxpaw: No wonder you're so rude 8. While training, comment on how good your mentor looks that day (more effective if mentor is the same gender) Squirrelflight: Today we will be going over border tactics Foxpaw: You are looking fine today Squirrelflight: Excuse me? Foxpaw: You're pelt is so glossy Mrrow Squirrelflight: I have a mate Foxpaw: You're smell so good Squirrelflight: You're creeping me out Foxpaw: Don't fight it babe 9. At a Gathering, get everybody to do the wave Firestar: Thundercl- Foxpaw: Put your hands in the air and wave' em like you just don't care I say hey-o hey-o I say hey-o hey-o! Cats:... Foxpaw: What is wrong with this crowd Blackstar: WHOO! *claps* Go Foxpaw! Foxpaw: Thank You! 10. Speak in a different language. If you don't know one, make one up! Honeyfern: Hey Foxpaw! Foxpaw: Hola sinorita! Como estas? Honeyfern: Uhh... Foxpaw: Mios ti porifera eh mamosita? Honeyfern:...bye... *walks away* 11. Tag Team Testing Squirrelflight: Okay, are you ready for your assessment? Foxpaw: Yep! Rosepaw: *runs in and tags Foxpaw* Squirrelflight: Stop Foxpaw! Foxpaw: What? Squirrelflight: What is all this about? Foxpaw: it's tag team testing, DUH! Squirrelflight: V_V 12. Make cheat sheets for assessments. Be sure to bring the sheets to the WRONG assessment Squirrelflight: What is the difference between hunting rabbits and hunting mice? Foxpaw: Uhh.. *looks at cheat sheet* Yarrow? Squirrelflight: What? *looks at cheat sheet* this is a cheat sheet for Medicine, not hunting! Foxpaw: I was wondering why it didn't talk about mice on it Squirrelflight: Uhhh! 13. While on patrol, fake an orgasm Foxpaw: *Sobbing* Brambleclaw: why are you crying? Foxpaw: *sobs* You see that tree? Brambleclaw: ...yea Foxpaw: well, it just *sobs* moves me so much *sobs* NATURE IS SO BEAUTIFUL! 14. Make strange noises to get people to stare Foxpaw: gudbsjepu Toadpaw: What is that? Foxpaw: shekjfhusfgsj Thornclaw: *pelt bristles* Foxpaw: Rosepaw! Stop scaring everyone with those noises! Rosepaw: But I- Foxpaw: Stop making excuses! Rosepaw: But- Foxpaw: OUT! Rosepaw: *slinks away* Foxpaw: Kids! 15. Dress like your mentor Foxpaw: *pelt is painted dark ginger* Hey Squirrelflight! Squirrelflight: Hey Foxp- OH MY GOD! Foxpaw: Hey girlfriend! You like? I'm like so fab now! Squirrelflight: How did you change you're pelt color? Foxpaw: You don't need to know Squirrelflight: *looks at sky* What did I do to deserve this? 16. Carve cryptic messages into rocks on the way to the Moonpool Foxpaw: *carving into rocks* hehehe! *leaves* Leafpool: *looks at a rock* 'Kick Brokenstar's head at Moonpool' *shudders* Willowshine: *looks at another rock* 'When at the Moonpool, instead of touching water with nose, DIVE IN!' ---At Moonpool--- Willowshine: *jumps into pool* Ah! no wonder we're not allowed to swim in this, it BURNS! Leafpool: Shut up! *dreams* ---Place of No Stars--- Leafpool: Yo Brokenbutt! Come out! Brokenstar: What do you want *gets hit in face* Ow! That was hot babe! Leafpool: Be my mate! Brokenstar: OK! Foxpaw: How did this become a happy ending? 17.On the log on the way to Gatherings, walk REALLY slow Foxpaw: I'm ready Lionblaze: Move faster! Foxpaw: Make me! Lionblaze: *leaps at Foxpaw but misses and plunges into the river* Foxpaw: Sucker! 18. Tell the leader that there is a code 3 in the nursery and see what happens Fowpaw: Firestar! There is a Code 3 in the nursery Firestar: Oh no! *goes out on the Highledge* Everyone! Daisy has peed in the Nursery! Evacuate the camp immediatly! Cats: AHHHHHHH! *Running to exit* Brambleclaw: MY EYES! Foxpaw: ^_^ 19. Disquise yourself and go up to a cat and say 'I haven't seen you in so long' and see if they play along Foxpaw: *pelt painted dark brown* Hey Heathertail! It's been so long! Heathertail: Uhh... yeah! How've you been? Foxpaw: Good *glares at Breezepelt* Who's this? Heathertail: He's my uhh- Breezepelt: I'm her mate! Foxpaw: YOU GOT ANOTHER MATE! Heathertail: What are yo- Foxpaw: WE ARE LIKE SOOOOO OVER!!! 20. Get a black cape and pretend to be Batman Foxpaw: I am Batman *hums batman theme song* Icepaw: Where did you get the cape? Foxpaw: She's on to us! Come Robin to the Batcave! *drags Toadpaw away with him* 21. Get lost in another clan's forest Tawnypelt: What are you doing here Foxpaw: Who are you? Tawnypelt: Do you need help? Foxpaw: Why won't you people just leave me alone!?! *runs away* Tawnypelt: Glad I left 22. Ask cats what gender they are, afterwards laugh hysterically Foxpaw: Firestar, are you a boy or a girl? Firestar: Boy Foxpaw: HAHAHAGGAGAGAHAGAHGAGAHAGAH! Firestar: What's so funny? Foxpaw: ... HAHAHAHHAAGAGAGAHAGAHAGAHGAHAGAHAGAHA! Firestar: O.O 23. Pretend you're that guy from the Salad Fingers movies on Youtube Foxpaw: *walks into Riverclan camp* Hello Reedwhisker: ... Foxpaw: Do you have any spoons? Reedwhisker: Uhhh... Foxpaw: *takes out spoon* Rusty spoons feel so good on my salad fingers Reedwhisker: I don't know what a spoon is Foxpaw: Oh, okay then. Before I go, let me caress your kits. *starts rubbing kits* Icewing: O.O Foxpaw: Kits feel so good on my salad fingers 24. Be obnoxious and yell out answers while watching game shows Ferncloud: Who Wants To Be a Millionaire is starting. Foxpaw, don't get over competative Foxpaw: I'll control myself --3 minutes later-- Foxpaw: GOD YOU IDIOT! RESISTANCE EQUALS VOLTAGE AND CURRENT NOU CURRENT AND VELOCITY Ferncloud: ugh Squirrelflight: Should have gotten him neutered when you had the chance 25. Be a Gangsta! Foxpaw: Yo wuz up dog! Poppyfrost: Uhh nothing I guess Foxpaw: Don't be hatin dis playa! Poppyfrost: Have you been reading your mom's Gaygirl magazines again? Foxpaw: You challenging me to a gangsta showdown!?! Poppyfrost: No! I wa- Foxpaw: See if you can beat dis! (Thug Story music starts playing) I'm like 8 foot 4, Ginger fur to the floor you shorties never thought I dreamed about rapping hardcore no I ain't got a gun ''no I never really been in a club still live with my parents but I'm still a thug'' I'm so gangsta you can find me baking cookies at night ''you out clubbing, but I just made starling delight F paw and t pain rappin on the same track it's a thug story tell me can you handle that'' I had a dream last night I had high-top Nikes I had diamonds in my mouth, and diamonds on my mic by the time I woke I was singing "I'M ON A BOOOOAAT"'' cuz I'm a apprentice turned rapper ''shorty I'm a make ya straight to the top, yo shorty I'ma take ya'' you can call me F Peezy now I'm a rap star ''hey it's a thug story now tell them who you are'' Apprentice turned gangsta ''you don't wanna fight me straight to the top in my extra small white tee'' F paw and t pain all up on the same track ''it's a thug story tell now can you get with that'' what! what! I knit sweaters yo! ''what! what! don't test me bleep'' hey hold on, hold on I didn't even say anything ''WHAT? I said "yo" YUP you guys bleeped me and I didn't even say anything I didn't even swear I DIDN'T EVEN SWEAR hello??'' Poppyfrost: BYE! *runs away* 26. Become SPOCK (I just saw Star Trek) Foxpaw/Spock: I am Spock! Squirrelflight: Sure... great. Go clean out your mother's bedding Fox/Spock: You insufferable little troll! My mother is dead! Squirrelflight: She's not dea- Fox/Spock: Don't you insult my mother! Just because she fell off a cliff and she was a human! Squirrelflight: But I- Fox/Spock: Don't you see my eyebrows, my ears, my hair! You should know never to insult Spock! Squirrelflight: I wasn't- Fox/Spock: DIE KURK! *Jumps at Squirrelflight 27. Put a banana in your ear! Foxpaw: *haves a banana in his ear* Icepaw: What are you doing? Foxpaw: (music starts Put a banana in your ear Charlie the Unicorn) ''Put a banana in your ear! Icepaw: A banana in my ear? Foxpaw: Put a banana right into your favorite ear It's true Icepaw: Says who? Foxpaw: So true Once it's in your gloom will disappear The bad in life is hard to hear when in your ear a banana cheers so go and put a banana in your ear! Put a banana in your ear Icepaw: I'd rather keep my ear clear Foxpaw:'' Put a banana right into your favorite ear'' It's true Icepaw: Says you Foxpaw: So true Icepaw: PLEASE STOP! 28. Become a Vegetarian Rosepaw: You wanna share fresh kill? Foxpaw: What? No! I can't eat meat! I'm a vegetarian! (and I ain't f*** scared of him. Sorry I couldn't resist!) Rosepaw: But what will you eat? Foxpaw: Herbs... herbs I will eat Rosepaw: But fresh kill is good Foxpaw: WHAT!?! How would you like it if you were killed and eaten by some undeserving animal? Maybe even your bladder used to kill ticks!?! You make me sick Rosepaw: ... whatever 29. Be dramatic at the Daylight Gathering Blackstar: First match is between Dawnpaw and Foxpaw Foxpaw: (before the match) This is it Girl vs Boy Female vs Male Senorita vs Senor Blue eyes vs Green Ginger vs Cream Predator vs Prey- Blackstar: GO! Dawnpaw: *pins down Foxpaw* Loser! Foxpaw: No more dramatic speeches... 30. Knock knock jokes Foxpaw: knock knock Toadpaw: Whose there? Foxpaw: wanda Toadpaw: wanda who? Foxpaw: wanda where I put my fresh kill? Toadpaw: hahaha Foxpaw: knock knock Toadpaw: Whose there? Foxpaw: Conrad Toadpaw: conrad-ulations, you win! -3 hours later- Foxpaw: knock knock Toadpaw:... Foxpaw: sombrero Toadpaw: sombrero who? Foxpaw: sombrero-ver the rainbow! (somewhere up high! Somewhere over the rainbow, where bluebirds fly ^_^) Mysterious Voice: Knock Knock Foxpaw: (nervously) who's... there? Mysterious voice: Police Foxpaw: police... who? Mysterious Voice: Police stop telling these bad knock knock jokes! A ha ha ha ha ha! Foxpaw: Hahaha! 31. Say Goodbye Foxpaw: It's been a good run, It's been a blast. I dearly hoped That it would last. I bid adieu To those who've read. Sad yowls I've wailed And tears I've shed. But it's about time That I say, Goodbye! (Thank you to those who've been reading this story!) The End! Category:AutumnSky's Fanfictions